ANIMORPHS #8: THE ALIEN

hello everyone! welcome back to the 30 under 30 media luminary, animorphs weekly. sound off: how is everyone doing this week? anyone else feel as if they’ve moved back into a liminal space in which time holds a different meaning? my animal crossing islanders are very excited to see me again, and i’ve started to avoid all the mirrors in my house.

wanna read a book?

HE’S ONLY HUMAN. WHEN HE WANTS TO BE . . . .

i screamed when i saw this cover. the tagline! the reveal of an ax perspective! the absolutely bewildered look on the boy’s face, which reads as i’m going to morph into what? “he’s only human when he wants to be” is a 2020 mood. and applegate wasted no time with the title. does what it says on the tin. i have to say i have been imagining the andalites as less hairy? and i truly thought the tail was bigger, but i appreciate the artist’s rendition. today, readers, i’m a solid two. i might look like a normal girl, but something’s a little off…

it’s an ax book

SUMMARY

i am SO excited for an ax book. we got a little TASTE of this in the megamorphs book last week, but i’m excited to get the andalite’s perspective on things. also, what does he do when the other kids are at school? does he hang out with tobias? has he developed hobbies? what is his favorite taste? i hope we find out!

WE OPEN WITH A PROLOGUE that starts with the words “before earth …”

amazing

right out the gate we get a new character. captain nerefir commands everyone to prepare to normal space. ax is on the bridge of the dome ship. it’s a huge honor—he’s never been allowed on the bridge. it’s reserved for warriors, the captain, and the princes. it’s no place for an “aristh” — a warrior-cadet — but since ax is elfangor’s little brother, he gets to be on the bridge. we learn that ax is clumsy (once he ran into captain nerefir so hard nerefir biffed it and bruised an eyestalk, which is a horrfying thought. which part bruised??) and he lives, eternally, in the shadow of his older brother, prince elfangor.

don’t worry ax. not for long!

the ship pops into normal space, and up ahead, the andalites can see a small, mostly blue planet. earth. (cue blue by regina spektor.) ax calls captain nerefir “old hoof and tail”, because andalites are bad at nicknames, but before nerefir or elfangor can really chew him out, they spot a yeerk mothership in orbit over earth. immediately, everyone is in battle mode. elfangor commands ax to go to the dome. ax argues that he wants to fight, but he is just an aristh, and elfangor isn’t just his brother—he’s also his prince. ax has to obey. before they part (forever), they stop in front of some dropshafts and touch tail blades. (not a bit!) elfangor, in some terrible foreshadowing, is like one day, brother, you shall fly a fighter alongside me. ax is like, promise??? he tells elfangor to go burn some slugs (applegate’s words, not mine), and then they step into different dropshafts. ax heads up to the dome, and elfangor heads down to earth, to meet his demise.

he’s not the only one!

nope, before this prologue ends, we will see more death!

ax is sitting in his dome (the same one from book four), watching the battle below, when he sees it: a visser’s blade ship. the andalites have to shunt the dome off so they can fight. as ax is drifting through space, he watches the blade ship shoot down the andalite’s ship with a few well-placed dracon beams. the shock waves from the explosion cause ax’s dome to crash into the waters of earth. he waits, not patiently, for his brother. but, of course, it’s not his brother who finds him.

it’s five cool teens with some sick powers!

the prologue ends with a heavy burden. andalite custom dictates that ax is required to avenge his brother’s death.

someday i would have to kill visser three.

cool!

we cut to present day and learn that ax is keeping a DIARY. precious. the first entry is:

the first thing an andalite may notice about humans, is that they walk around on only two legs. it is very strange to see so many creatures balancing that way. but, despite that, they seldom fall over.

—from the Earth Diary of aximili-esgarrouth-isthill

i’ll be honest with you all: i tripped down the stairs not a week ago.

he gives a quick recap of who is he and what he can do: ax, a young andalite, he can morph, he has a tail, and he’s got five cool friends! four of their DNAs live inside him forever. we also learn that animorphin’ is not a trait all andalites get at birth—it’s a technology they’ve developed. science! he tells us that there’s only one problem with the morphing: the time limit. and that’s about to be a problem, because he and his four cool friends are about to embark on a mission that requires careful planning and timing to avoid this terrible curse.

they’re going to see a movie.

this is so nice. remember movies? i got an email from amc the other day that was like: BIANCA! WELCOME BACK TO THE MOVIES! and i was like there’s not going to be any more movies you stupid slut

anyway, the kids are all gathered in the woods to review the plan one more time.

“okay, let’s do this,” jake said, making sounds with his mouth to form words.

yeah!

cassie and rachel will be posted outside the movie theater to quickly usher ax to the nordstrom dressing rooms (best dressing rooms in the mall) in case he needs to do an emergency morph. (i have a feeling he will have to do an emergency morph.) cassie teases rachel about shopping, and tobias sweeps in, declaring an all-clear in the woods.

ax refers to tobias as a “nothlit,” which is the andalite term for a someone who has been trapped in a morph. it is confirmed that tobias lives in the woods with ax, but never once has tobias asked ax if it’s possible for him to be turned back into a human. a good friend, ax has never offered the answer. boundaries!

we get a horrifying description of ax turning into a human, and then he takes in all of his human friends.

my human friends have some difference, but each has only two legs, two arms, and two eyes. they each have one mouth…none of them has any sort of tail.

the great unifier, the lack of tails

marco makes a joke about how ax is a perfect mix of all of them, and then rachel says something a straight girl would definitely say:

“what’s gross is i’ll look at him and think, ‘wow, is that guy cute',” rachel said. “then i’ll see something that looks like cassie.”

sure jan

marco makes a brief mention of controllers, which jake quickly shuts down. the animorphs are taking a break. self-care queens!! besides, ax wants to learn about humans, and there’s nothing more human than being acutely aware of how much time has passed while you’re sitting in a movie theater. ax thinks about how he needs to learn about the humans, but he can’t let them learn too much about the andalites. there are things, he says, that if they learned they would turn against him.

hm

rachel argues that they should be going after the yeerks now that they’ve been weakened, but jake points out that they don’t really know what’s going on with the yeerks. they’re just going to go to one (1) movie and no one is going to try to fight the yeerks. we are just going to have a good time!!!! rachel dresses ax, and marco says he looks like bully bait. cassie thinks he looks cute, which tobias calls the kiss of death. i trust the femme. jake smiles. “if anyone tries to beat you up,” he says, unknowingly giving a premonition, “we’ll protect you.”

in the movie theater (they’re watching a star trek film) ax discovers that there is a ton of food on the ground. the whole chapter is ax eating food off of the floor.

:/

marco and prince jake drag ax out into the parking lot. ax learns that the globules and pellets he was eating off the ground are raisinets and m&ms, respectively, and also humans don’t eat food off the ground. cassie and rachel come outside, but keep their distance—with controllers everywhere, the kids can’t be seen as a group. tobias flies overhead and thought-speaks a joke about the movie being so bad. we learn here that when ax is in his human morph, he loses his ability to thought-speak (which is interesting, because like, when the other kids are morphed they get thought-speech, and ax is morphed? whatever.) so no one can respond to tobias’s sick joke. he doesn’t let that get him down. he tells the others that there’s something happening up ahead, and it’s headed towards the parking lot.

turns out that “something happening” is a controller whose yeerk is dying. a harrowing process, i’m sure. the man staggers into the parking lot and is screaming about the yeerks being here on earth, and the kids can hear cop cars getting close. they have a brief discussion: why is this happening now? no one really has an explanation. the kids broke the kandrona. ax points out that it was a strain for the yeerks to shuttle controllers up to the mothership. maybe something broke. jake gets really excited—the yeerks won’t be able to cover up all the controllers whose yeerks are dying! soon everyone will be talking about the yeerks!

rachel points out that the replacement kandrona will be on earth soon. they should have been seeing more people screaming about yeerks in the streets, which means that the yeerks have some way to keep this from happening. ax is quiet. he knows that rachel is right. he wants to tell jake the truth of how the yeerks operate, but he knows there will be questions. questions he can’t answer. not without revealing the truth behind the law of something called seerow’s kindness.

the cops and an ambulance roll up into the parking lot. a few medics and cops surround the man, who is now pulling the dead yeerk out of his ear. gross! the cops hustle the man into the ambulance, and ax watches as one cop draws a small, steel cylinder from his pocket and presses it against the back of the man’s neck. cassie and jake are excited—maybe they’ll have a yeerk as proof!—but ax knows the truth. he just has to bear it alone.

i could not tell them why we andalites had to fight the yeerks. why we had no choice but to fight them. why we hated them so deeply.

we have secrets, we andalites. and the greatest secret of all is our own guilt.

damn

the next morning, ax moves through a morning meditation. it’s a ritual that all arisths must do. thanks the water, the earth, the freedom, and the stars, and then says a creed.

“freedom is my only cause. duty to the people, my only guide. obedience to my prince, my only glory. the destruction of my enemies, my most solemn vow.”

honestly? not a bad morning meditation

tobias flies in to witness the last little bit of this ritual, which includes ax putting his knifetail against his own throat, and then contemplating whether or not he’s living up to all of the parts of the ritual. he thinks about his brother, who broke the major law of seerow’s kindness by giving the humans the ability to morph, and how he hasn’t yet avenged him. elfangor, he thinks, would have already killed visser three if the roles were reversed. but he’s not elfangor, is he?

tobias calls ax “ax-man” (which is another terrible nickname, but somehow endearing) and asks what he was doing. ax is like oh, just this ritual, it’s just like, an andalite thing. before they can dive into it, a rattlesnake tries to strike ax! luckily, it goes for his hoof, which cannot be bitten! ax steps on the rattlesnake and acquires its dna before using his tail to flip it into some bushes. he thinks it might be useful someday. i’m sure it will be.

tobias asks ax if he’s still moving forward with his “getting to know the humans” plan. ax is like hell yeah brother! hope i don’t run into any chocolate! there’s a weird bit where tobias is like, you know we’re all curious about how you eat with no mouth, to which ax responds, “well, i have hooves, don’t i?”

cool

tobias and ax start flying/running through the woods. ax talks a little about andalite school. he was in a class called xenobiology, in which there was a section about humans. but he didn’t pay attention. classic kid move! tobias makes him feel better about this with a well-timed war of 1812 joke, and then the two of them are approaching a clearing. cassie and jake are waiting on the other side. it’s time for ax to morph human. before he does, he asks tobias what tobias will do all day without ax. tobias makes some jokes about feathers to preen and rodents to eat, but tells ax that he’ll be nearby. jake has asked him to fly cover over the school while ax is inside. the thought that tobias will be nearby makes ax feel much better.

sometimes i think tobias and i could be true shorm. a shorm is a deep friend, someone you never lie to, someone who knows all your secrets. the word shorm means “tail blade.” see, it’s supposed to mean a person you would trust so much they could put their tail blade right up against your throat and you wouldn’t even worry.

sometimes i think tobias and i could be like that. we are both cut off from our own people. we’re both alone.

very sweet

but very sad! ax knows that they can never be close in that way. even if tobias is a birdboy, he’s still a boy, and andalites and humans can never be true friends. ax was taught in school that the andalites can protect for other alien species, defend them, even care for them.

but they can never be shorm

sad!

cassie and jake meet up with ax while tobias flies above to keep watch. ax morphs into a human, gets a few more digs in about how standing on two legs is hard and stupid, and promises prince jake he will behave like a normal human. tobias flies down. it’s kind of sweet, he thought-speaks. ax’s first day of school. precious! take a photo! it’s his only day of school, prince jake is quick to remind everyone. it’s just one (1) day where ax can observe humans and learn more about them. they review their cover story: ax’s name is phillip, and he’s jake’s cousin from out of state.

detailed!

they walk into school! cassie refers to it as purgatory, which is very revealing. they spot marco and rachel moving towards them.

my other human friends tell me that rachel is beautiful and marco is cute. as an andalite, i don’t observe either trait. however, when i am in human morph i begin to see that rachel actually is very beautiful.

but i never see that marco is cute.

every friend group has one (1) token straight

jake “introduces” ax to marco and rachel, and ax calls prince jake prince jake. off to a great start! cassie shows ax what a locker is and we find out that cassie has a picture of jake in her locker. cute! the bell rings for first period and ax immediately flies into defense mode. jake has to talk him down — “it’s depressing, but not dangerous” — and then they make their way to jake’s first class.

maybe i am just a special brand of nerd, but i…remember liking school? did everyone hate school? is that a real thing or just something media wants us to believe, like undercover cops or two pretty best friends?

jake leads ax into his first class and tells the teacher, mr. pardue, that his cousin will simply be hanging out with him today. i am baffled. it’s been awhile since i’ve been in public education and the landscape has surely changed but no one bats an eye at jake’s weird cousin just hanging out with him! ax is good at sitting. once for two days he pretended to be jake, while a yeerk died in his brain, but it turns out that he wasn’t that good at it. when the real jake came home, his parents took him to a psychologist.

anyway

mr. pardue is just about to teach the class when he starts screaming!! he shouts “yeerk! get out of me!” and falls to the ground, clawing at his head until blood begins to flow

metal

this very disturbing scene plays out, and everyone in the room is like ???? jake, in a super jake move, decides to rush forward and help mr. pardue. sweet, stupid jake. he like, cradles his teacher and is like, i know what you’re going through, i had one inside me too once, it’s okay, the yeerk is dying. which like is such a sweet move but also so SO stupid. y’all have GOT to stop telling people what you know about yeerks. it’s dangerous!!!!!!!

as if summoned by the smell of stupid chivalry, assistant principal controller chapman enters the room. he commands everyone OUT TO THE PLAYGROUND!! all the kids scatter. except for jake. and ax, who is sworn to stay by jake’s side. assistant principal controller chapman is like jake,,,,,,,,,get out. ax, smartly, drags jake out of the room. before they go, jake just has to goad the assistant principal by asking if mr. pardue will be okay. assistant principal controller chapman responds with my favorite phrase, “who can say?” jake and ax peer in through the window just in time to watch assistant principal controller chapman pull out another cylinder and press it to the back of mr. pardue’s neck.

rip

jake and ax run outside (one more successfully than the other) and jake starts to put it together. pardue was a controller, the yeerk in him died because the kids destroyed the kandrona, and now pardue is dead. the yeerks are going to kill every host whose yeerk dies. jake looks like he’s going to be sick. he has a big brother, big brother tom, who could be killed!! jake wheels on ax. listen!! this is the scene the hbo series has been waiting for. this is how it would play out:

(the lighting of this scene is very similar to the first twilight movie. this is every classic confrontation scene between kids. someone is wearing a big brown bomber jacket. you know the one. the music is tense yet emotional. one steady shot.)

JAKE: (dramatically turns, glares at ax) you knew they would do this?

AX: (reluctantly, with drama and pride) yes. i knew.

JAKE: how did you know?

ax doesn’t respond. jake lets out a shout of anger and shoves ax against a nearby wall, his forearm against the alien’s throat. there are tears in his eyes.

JAKE (cont): how did you know the yeerks would do this??? how???

AX: (a half-truth) you think this is the first place the yeerks have infiltrated?? you know nothing of war, prince jake!! we andalites have been fighting for years! we know their practice. they don’t leave witnesses.

(jake considers killing ax then and there. but it’s not in his heart. weakly, he lets go of ax, turns away dramatically. he wipes the tears from his eyes. maybe ax does the same.)

JAKE: (softly) i don’t like you keeping secrets from me, ax. i’m your friend. we’re all your friends. we should know what you know. (a pause. what is he going to say next???) i hate this war.

AX: love the warrior. hate the war. (jake might turn around here.) my brother used to say that. (the two boys stand there for a moment, processing their big brother trauma. jake does look at ax now. there is a change. he is less sad. very suspicious. angry. most of all, betrayed.)

JAKE: (an emotion-as-power monologue) you know, ax? sometimes, i feel like us humans are just pawns to you. just little pieces to be moved around by the andalites and the yeerks. we’re just ammunition to you. too dumb to know what’s going on. too primitive to be real warriors. i used to think you were one of us. rachel? marco? they don’t trust you! they ask me, always, what do we know about ax? what has he told us of his home planet? we’ve shown him everything, but what has he shown us? and you know what? i stood up for you. i trusted you. but now…now that trust is broken. and i have to wonder what you know. and what you’re keeping from us. i…i have a big brother, ax. big brother tom. and he could die.

AX: if you had known what it could have happened to your brother, would you have destroyed the kandrona?

JAKE: (leaning in real close) you know what, ax? you’re right to try to learn more about humans. because you don’t know a thing about us. not. a. thing.

(jake looks like he might take a swing at ax, but doesn’t. he’s Bigger Than That. instead, he turns and walks away, leaving ax bewildered and alone.)

and scene

hbo!!! if you are out there i am available!!! think about it. we could riverdale the animorphs together!!!!!

the next day, marco invites ax to hang out. unusual behavior, obviously, as marco doesn’t trust ax. (neither does rachel, ax points out.) but marco isn’t there with totally pure intentions. jake has sent him. marco is going to take ax to a bookstore so that ax can learn all about humans, and in return, maybe he can tell marco some things about andalites. marco tells ax that he had planned on just cleverly weasling all the info out of ax, but jake said no.

“‘no, ax is a friend. show him we have nothing to hide. maybe he’ll finally decide to trust us.’”

yes! the guilt route! kill ‘em with kindness prince jake

ax points out that he has reasons for keeping secrets, and marco is like, sure. rachel told us that you probably can’t interfere with humans. but, marco also points out, isn’t it a little late for that? the yeerks are interfering like crazy. ax doesn’t really have an answer for that. human!ax and marco make it to the bus stop, but marco realizes that he left all the book money at his house. c’mon, he says to ax, my house is just around the corner. ax points out some of the lawn decorations in the suburbs, and then they’re inside marco’s house. marco tells ax to stand by the table—his dad is working from home, please don’t be weird. ax waits patiently by the table. there’s a computer! with a keyboard! ax remembers that the andalites used to have keyboards, like, centuries ago. he plays a quick game on the computer, which involves identifying errors in a primitive symbolic language and then fixing them. (applegate doesn’t say it, but i’m pretty sure she’s describing math.) then marco’s dad enters the room. marco told ax he could only answer yes or no to any question marco’s dad asks, so they have a very confusing conversation while marco is upstairs grabbing money and calling another animorph to meet them at the bookstore.

the next day, ax is reading the world almanac. he gives us some fun facts! twelve percent of households have a dehumidifier! a sheep can live for twenty years! humans used to believe the sun orbited earth! he’s just chilling by the stream, reading his little book drinking some water with his hoof, when suddenly tobias flies overhead. ax! there you are! the other animorphs are not far behind. they start de-morphing out of their bird forms. ax calls cassie an estreen, which is a person who makes morphing almost artistic. on the andalite planet, it is an art form! there are professional estreens! pretty cool.

anyway the animorphs are all there because of the little game ax played on marco’s dad’s computer. turns out, it wasn’t a game! marco’s dad was working on a program for the astronomers at the observatory, and ax accidentally created a new branch of computer software and opened up a new way to do astronomy. marco had to do a bunch of work to convince his dad that it was an accident. ax doesn’t really understand what the issue is until rachel points it out. if a controller hears about the new software, they’re definitely going to think an andalite came up with the tech! ax has pushed human science ahead by a century! i know it’s dangerous and all but that’s pretty fucking cool!! the risk/reward here is way better than jake’s pep talk to mr. pardue!

ax starts to thought spiral. if he has really helped change the radio telescope, he can use it to get into z-space. he can communicate with his home world! he could call his family! but he knows the truth. he also has to destroy the technology. he’s broken the law of seerow’s kindness and given humans a huge advance in technology. but tbh?? idk dude maybe let them have this one? as he’s spiraling, rachel is like, dude?? what’s going on? what are you hiding?

i am not hiding anything, i lied. nothing at all.

DAMN

the animorphs leave, and ax goes for a little run to clear his head. he knows he has to go to the observatory and destroy the tech. it’s the law. but before he destroys it, could he use it? could he call home? he imagines his family, and in his imagination, elfangor is still alive. he thinks about the one of the first times elfangor returned home from being a warrior. ax was very young, and barely knew his brother, but elfangor didn’t treat him like a little andalite. he spoke to him as an equal. and ax knew that he wanted to grow up to be just like elfangor. but now, elfangor was dead, and their parents might not even know. they don’t even know ax is alive. brutal.

ax realizes he’s reached the edge of the clearing. he’s too close to cassie’s farm. he’s ready to turn back when—“you might as well hang around for awhile.” it’s cassie! she’s morphed into a horse, and starts to morph back into a human. she tells ax that she likes to run as a horse sometimes—but please don’t tell jake, she asks. he might get mad. ax points out that jake has a soft spot for cassie, and she tries to brush it off. “i’m just a friend,” she says, “and a fellow animorph.” ax is like ok then why do you hold hands??? cassie has no response to that!! she changes the subject. she asks ax how his study of humans is going. he tells her he’s read the world almanac and he thinks the humans are very interesting. she says, uh-huh. what do you really think? ax reveals that he believes there is a second reason the yeerks wish to enslave humans, other than being able to have a lot of human hosts.

he believes the yeerks are afraid of humans.

cassie laughs. she thinks ax is referring to all the wars humans have fought. he’s like, sure, but all species fight wars. we learn the hork-bajirs used to have a biological clock that set them all warring every sixty-two years (fascinating) and the taxxons, as we know, are cannibals.

every species has something to be ashamed of, i said. every species carries some terrible guilt.

a very pointed thing to say, guilt-ridden ax

cassie doesn’t push it. instead, she asks him to clarify. if it’s not the wars, what is it? ax pulls out some serious world almanac facs. humans discovered radioactivity in 1896. in 1945 they exploded an atomic weapon. in 1903 they flew for the first time, and sixty-six years later they were on the moon. fifty years from now, humans could be capable of faster-than-light travel. and in a hundred? who knows?

this is the part where i cry about how capitalism has ruined us. fuck cars! build me a nationwide rail system! think of what we could have if we believed in science

anyway

cassie asks ax how long it took the andalites to do things like that, and ax tells her that he is bound by oath not to reveal the ways of the andalites. cassie points out that elfangor did, but ax isn’t elfangor. he’s just a young one. cassie takes that information in. instead of continuing to ask him questions, she invites him in to dinner with her parents. “it would do you good,” she says. “you seem lonely.” that pierces ax. it’s true. he is lonely. ax asks cassie how she’ll explain to her family who he is, and she shrugs.

“you morphed jake once, right? so be jake.”

brilliant

it’s chili night at cassie’s house! ax learns about spice and goes buckwild. he loves the chili. he cannot get enough of the chili. he eats one bowl and then another and threatens to eat more chili. cassie kicks him under the table and reminds him to chill….i. it impresses both of cassie’s parents, which would be good, if this were the real jake and not an andalite pretending to be jake. (and, at some point, cassie and ax are going to have to tell jake that he now and forever has to love cassie’s dad’s “chili of doom” or else there are going to be a lot of questions. i digress.) they make conversation (“the rules were that each person would ask the other person a question,” says ax, which is true) and watch tv after dinner. ax likes to observe the family unit. this is his second family unit observation—the first being jake’s—and he makes some comparisons. jake’s family prays before dinner, cassie’s does not. jake’s dad falls asleep while watching tv, cassie’s mom is the one to snooze.

before the two hour time limit, cassie walks ax back out towards the woods. she gives him a book of quotes and asks what he thought of her parents. ax likes them—and then cassie asks about his family. he gets choked up (not a normal feeling for him) and cassie loops her arm through his and tells him that’s missing his parents is normal. he’s just a kid. this stops ax in his tracks. he stares up at the stars. cassie asks where his family is, now, and he points at the quadrant of space where his home planet twinkles. he morphs back to his andalite form, and cassie tells him that all the animorphs care about him.

“you’re not just some alien to us.”

thank you for the chili, i said. it was wonderful.

once more an andalite, i ran for the forest.

(cue up how to save a life by the fray)

ax spends some time reading the book of quotes but he can’t focus. he keeps thinking about how easy it would be to turn the radio telescope into a z-space transponder so he can talk to his parents. he wants their advice, but also, he wants them to be proud of him. he starts to form a plan. he goes to find tobias in the forest and wakes him up to ask a question: are you my friend?

who among us has not thought to text our friends in the middle of the night to ensure they’re still our friends??? let them cast the first stone!!! i LOVE asking my friends if they’re my friends. i live for the validation.

tobias, sweetly, is like “dude you and i are absolute freaks who live in the woods and have nearly died together. of course i’m your friend.” aw! ax is like, cool! can you keep a secret from prince jake? and rachel? tobias is like hm….will it hurt my friends?? ax is like nah. tobias is like, cool. what’s up? ax is like…i need you to swear on something important that you won’t break the promise

what does tobias swear on, you ask??

prince elfangor

maybe a little dark but it definitely gets the point across. ax accepts this, and tells tobias his plan.

the next morning, ax and tobias take a little fly to the observatory. ax takes a moment to think about how sad it must be to be tobias, and then he thinks, hm. maybe he likes being a birdboy and that’s why he’s never asked me if it’s possible to change back.

or maybe he thinks i’ll lie to him

#angst

they arrive at the observatory, and start searching for the room with all the computers. they notice that the observatory is totally empty—marco did mention that the place isn’t really up and running yet, but still. no humans milling about? not even a security guard? suspicious. ax is like “i must go alone from here” and tobias is like ok cool dude be safe! later! i am 100% sure tobias is flying to go tell at least one (1) animorph what ax is up to. secrets or no, the animorphs have got to stick together.

ax flies into the observatory through an open door and lands in an empty room. he can faintly hear humans speaking somewhere in the building. via thought-speech, tobias checks in, but the connection is spotty and they can’t fully understand each other. tobias is able to communicate that there are seven — in a room. ax asks him to keep an eye on them, and maybe tobias confirms (again, hard to understand), and then ax is morphin’ back into andalite form. he would morph into his human form, but he wants his parents to recognize him.

sweet

but so stupid

ax find a computer and starts click-clacking away. in ten minutes, he’s transformed the radio telescope into a z-transponder, successfully moving human science ahead by a century, and then he connects with andalite homeworld.

this is huge

he connects with someone named ithileran-halas-corain, the assistant to the head of planetary communications (neat) and reports his name and location. ithileran asks for elfangor’s status, and ax delivers the news that his brother is dead. there is a moment of grieving, and then it’s back to buisness. ithileran asks for his report. ax has to figure out exactly how much he wants to tell this other andalite. he tells the truth about the size of the yeerk invasion. ithileran is like, ah, so earth is fucked. ax is like well, no! not if me and my five cool friends have anything to say about it! we destroyed a kandrona! ithileran is like how did you manage to do that???

ax makes the choice. he tells the truth. elfangor gave his five cool friends the power to morph. suddenly, ax is no longer speaking to ithileran. a new andalite appears: lirem-arrepoth-terrouss. the head of the council. this andalite is ancient and weathered and well-respected. ax nearly pees himself but he tries to stay strong. lirem is like, so…elfangor broke our laws. ax is like, to help! lirem is like, ok…and? you are also breaking our laws. again, ax is like, the humans need our help! they’re not our enemies! lirem narrows his eyes. another scene, perhaps?

(we are standing in the observatory with ax. hologram like — imagine zordon from power rangers — is the enlarged face of another andalite, lirem-arrepoth-terrouss. can someone see if laurence fishburne is available? or maybe john malkovich?)

AX: (inspired by prince jake’s earlier vulnerability-as-power monologue) the humans are not our enemies. they need our help to fight against the yeerks! these five teens are all that stand between earth and the yeerk invasion. elfangor knew that. he was doing what was right!

LIREM: (a long, earth-shattering silence. the moment you know your parent is disappointed in you.) once before, an andalite did what he thought was the right thing. he transferred technology to a weak, backward species. he did it because he thought they should be able to travel to the stars. do you know the name of that andalite, young aristh?

AX: (damn. he’s in for it now.) …prince seerow.

LIREM: prince seerow. yes. and do you remember what happened because of seerow’s kindness?

AX: yes. i remember.

LIREM: i would like to allow your brother to remain a hero. you know very well there is no forgiveness for a prince who breaks the laws. i would like to ask you one more time, aristh aximili. was it truly elfangor who gave this technology to the humans?

AX: …it was me.

LIREM: in the name of the council, i forgive your error. you forgot your place. a momentary slip-up that will not happen again. i am giving you an order: resist the yeerks. but give the humans no information and no technology. do you understand my order, aristh aximili?

(a montage of flashbacks. ax with the animorphs, laughing, joking. eating a cinnabun for the first time. jake, hurt, untrusting. cassie, her arm under ax’s. “you look lonely.” marco, annoyed. tobias: “i swear on your brother. i swear on elfangor.”)

AX: yes. i understand your order.

(a crackling voiceover. the faint sound of tobias fades in under the music.)

TOBIAS (VO): ax — on the move — guy. think he —

LIREM: aximili. we have your father. he would like to speak to you.

(cut to commercial)

suddenly, ax’s dad is on the screen. he calls him “aximili-kala,” his nickname (again, i am dying to know what the nicknaming ritual is like on andalite home world). ax has to deliver the news to his dad that elfangor is dead, which, dark. heavy. immediately afterwards, ax has to complete a ritual with his father, in which ax swears to take on the burden of revenge. if it wasn’t weighing on his shoulders before, it definitely is now. his dad is like i’m so glad to see you’re okay, and before ax can even get out a reply, the connection is gone. instantly.

“sorry, but you were breaking my heart,” a human voice sneered. “i had to cut you off.”

ok asshole! way to crush your entrance line!

ax whips around. a human controller holding a dracon beam. ax is too far away to swing with his tail, and both he and the controller know it. suddenly — TSEEEEER! from the top of the observatory dome, tobias swoops down, raking the man’s face. but the human doesn’t let go of the gun. (typical human.) he tells them both to freeze — he doesn’t want to kill either of them, but he will if he has to!! he just wants to talk. ax points out that he’s the one holding the gun, and in a moment that amazes ax, the human controller lowers the gun to the ground and kicks it far to the side.

“now i’m at your mercy, andalite,” he said. “you can use that tail of yours. or you can listen to what i have to say.”

y’all!!!! who is this man!!!! the tension is ramping up!!!!

he introduces himself as gary kozlar (a last name—and what a good last name it is). ax is like that is a human name i know you are a slug! gary’s like, ok, you caught me. my name is eslin three-five-nine. and you’re ax, brother to the “beast elfangor.” elfangor is dead, gary says, and you know who else is dead???? the one creature he cared about in this entire universe!!! derane three-four-four!!! and do you know what elfangor and derane three-four-four have in common????

they were both killed by visser three

Y’ALL

i am

i wish you could see me rn

CHEERING

gimme that good drama!!!!!!!!!

the ENEMY of my ENEMY is my FRIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEND

gary is like, i knew you’d come. you andalite bandits (band name called it) destroyed the kandrona and there’s widespread starvation. it’s fucked. but i knew you’d be here! as soon as i saw the new software i knew it was an andalite who fixed it!

ax, rightfully, is like stupid stupid stupid!

gary dips into a monologue about his beloved derane. they came from the same pool, they trained together, they were very close. but gary got this sweet post at the observatory, and derane was given a minor post. when the kandrona was destroyed, visser three promised that everyone would survive. but he lied. derane was expendable. and gary…gary was furious. he sabatoged one of the shuttles being used to carry the visser’s favorites up to the mothership, so those yeerks and starving and dying. just like derane.

here’s the thing: i feel like in most sad man revenge stories, someone always talks to the sad man and is like, this is not what your dead wife would have wanted. but i know, deep in my heart, that derane is thrilled that gary is straight up murdering on her behalf

ax is like what is your point?? gary’s like, my point?? my point??? my point is this, loser: visser three has an andalite body. which means he feeds like an andalite. alone. guarded, but not closely. and i know where he feeds.

ax is like, but why are you telling me this?? gary KICKS A CHAIR! he doesn’t. but i imagine that he would. gary’s like, weren’t you listening??? visser three KILLED my derane!!! i want him to pay with his life!!!!! i want him DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he calms down (classic monologue move) and tosses a piece of paper onto the desk. (sure there’s a desk.) time and place, he says. you have a day to prepare. ax thinks this could be a trap. but gary’s no fool. gary wants visser three dead. ax is honor-bound to do it.

“you have your duty, andalite. the burden of revenge. your brother’s killer. your greatest enemy. you andalites are great ones for duty. so do your duty, andalite.”

MIC DROP give it up for our scene stealer gary!!!!!!!

that night, prince jake calls a meeting in cassie’s barn. everyone is there. as ax morphs into his human form to meet them in the barn, he’s contemplating his conversation with lirem. he’s been forgiven for a crime he didn’t commit, but it means he’ll never be a warrior. he’ll just go down in history as the loser little brother who gave the humans the ability to morph. even if he kills visser three, he won’t survive long enough to celebrate it. he’s just an andalite kid and life is a fucking nightmare

everyone else is already assembled when ax arrives. jake is on a bale of hay, marco is leaning against a stall, cassie is feeding an injured baby goose, rachel is pacing, and tobias is perched in the rafters with a piece of bloody cloth stuck to his talons. ax knows. he’s in for it.

immediately, marco is on ax. tobias shows up with a bloody cloth but won’t tell anyone why? it’s because he’s keeping a secret. ax admits he asked tobias to keep it a secret. rachel explodes. not only is ax keeping secrets from the group, he’s getting the other animorphs to keep secrets as well!! animorphs don’t keep secrets, obviously, given that they take every possible opportunity to morph in public.

rule of threes dictates i have to give you all another hbo scene

(the animorphs in the barn. the color of the twilight films. all the teens are either played by teens or actors in their 30s. no in betweens. can someone get the cast of euphoria on the phone?)

RACHEL: you need to get something straight, ax. we aren’t your little action figures. we’re not toy soldiers. this is our planet and this is our fight. you don’t control us just because you think you’re so high and mighty!

AX: i am not trying to control anyone.

RACHEL: yeah, right! you’re all about control. we just give you all the information you want, and you tell us jackshit! we show you our world. we let you into our homes, let you meet our families, eat their chili, read our almanacs, go into our school, which is precious to us now even if cassie calls it purgatory! and how do you repay us? (dramatically tearing the bloody cloth from tobias’s talons) with SECRETS

MARCO: you think we’re not good enough. just a backwards species with primitive technology. just puny humans! not worthy of being treated like equals!

AX: that’s not it…

MARCO: yes! it is! you just think we’re so small, don’t you? so small and beneath you.

AX: i can’t tell you anything!

MARCO: you won’t. rachel’s right. you just think of us as little pawns. andalites versus the yeerks in the big game and we’re what? the towel boys? the chess pieces? more mixed metaphors?

AX: i have to follow the rules

CASSIE: (gentle, yet piercing) do you? elfangor didn’t follow the rules when he gave us the power to morph.

AX: i am not my brother! i am not a big hero like him. or like you. i am a kid andalite! you want the truth? you want the truth? here’s the truth: i am not a warrior. i am an aristh. a trainee. a cadet. a nobody.

MARCO: oh boo-hoo the alien sob story. i want the real truth. what were you and tobias doing? why did you swear him to secrecy? are you trying to turn us all against each other?

(at this point, that song from tik-tok is playing. i know it’s not from tiktok but. the one that’s like “we don’t need….anything….or anyone….” is that chasing cars? i think it’s chasing cars. i’m too busy writing this script to google it. has zendaya called us back?)

AX: i am not allowed to tell you. there is a law against giving non-andalites our technology. and part of that law is that we cannot explain why.

RACHEL: fuck this

(she goes to beat him up, but jake intercepts her. he looks at ax.)

JAKE: i can almost understand not giving us technology. but why all the other secrets? you don’t want to give us megaweapons. fair enough. but to refuse to tell us how we fit into this war? what’s that about?

MARCO: it’s about control!

RACHEL: it’s about power!

CASSIE: no. (everyone turns to look at her. the baby goose, too.) it isn’t about control. it’s about guilt. shame. right? that’s what you said the other night. you said every species carries some guilt. (everyone looks at ax. music swells. he looks away. she’s seen him.)

JAKE: what do the andalites have to be ashamed of?

AX: once, we were kind when we should not have been.

(a long silence. we don’t need…)

JAKE: is that all you’re going to say?

(ax nods.)

JAKE cont: we can’t accept that, ax. if you’re with us, you have to be honest. otherwise…you’re on your own.

AX: i understand. (he looks around the room, takes them all in. his five cool friends, friends no more.) you have been…wonderful to me. i will always be grateful. the truth is…we would not have been together much longer, anyway. (he looks up at tobias. one final secret. he turns, and walks out of the barn, leaving the rest of the animorphs behind. baby goose honks softly. scene.)

the next morning, ax is doing a different morning ritual. the morning ritual is for normal mornings, and this is not a normal morning. this is the day he dies.

fun!

the ritual makes him feel like a fraud. he’s going through the motion, swearing his life to his people (who are billions of years away) his prince (his dead brother and jake, who broke up with him last night), and to honor (but is it really honorable if it’s not a battle? simply running into the jaws of death?)

tobias arrives at the end of the ritual. he asks ax if he’s really going to go through with it, but ax doesn’t answer. he’s too afraid. tobias points out it’s kind of cold-blooded to just assassinate someone, and ax is like, assassinate??? assassinate?? this is visser three we’re talking about!! he killed my brother!! he killed gary’s precious denare!!! tobias is like woah woah i wasn’t saying it was a bad thing. he wants to get the other animorphs involved. ax is going to need help. but ax says no. if he tells jake, jake might forbid him, and as jake is the closest thing to a prince ax has now, he will have to obey. it is the andalite way. he tells tobias he has to do this, and asks him one more time to keep his promise. ax says if he doesn’t return, he wants tobias to tell the others that he is sorry. tobias wishes him good luck, and then ax is running.

as he runs, he thinks of all the things people will say about him after he dies. he’s running fast away from his fear but also towards it. after miles and miles and miles of running, he finally finds it. gary’s promised meadow. it’s beautiful. he has arrived an hour before visser three is scheduled to, so he takes some time to prep. he finds the hoofprints at the stream’s edge, and he knows this is the place. he morphs into the rattlesnake.

he settles into the grass and waits. finally, the bug fighters land.

and as i drown my fear in the calm lake of the snake’s predator brain, i prepared to kill.

and to die.

this is only book eight

visser three approaches the stream. without meaning to, ax rattles his tail. he strikes! sinks his teeth into visser three’s leg and pumps some poison into his body! visser three strikes with his tail but the rattlesnake is faster. ax slithers away, rapidly trying to demorph. he’s not fast enough. he runs into a hork-bajir, mid-morph, and prepares himself to die—and then, a roar. the hork-bajir goes flying! and where the hork-bajir was just standing, a grizzly bear.

rachel!!!!

from the trees, tiger!jake takes out another hork-bajir. cassie and marco take out another. tobias gives a report from the skies: two hork-bajir and visser three in the center of the meadow are all that’s left. rachel tells ax that visser three is all his. ax is like, tobias!!! you broke your promise!!! tobias is like sorry dude, prince jake ordered me to tell him where you were going. CLASSIC loophole!!!

visser three isn’t doing too hot. the poison is working. ax tells the hork-bajir bodyguards they have a choice: die with him, or run. they scram! ax approaches the visser. suddenly, tobias is shooting down at the ground! he’s thought-speak-screaming! VISSER THREE HAS BAILED! THE SLUG HAS ESCAPED THE ANDALITE BODY! the slug makes it to the river! ax looks at the andalite in front of him. kill me, the andalite begs. (dark!) ax is like i can’t kill you! you’re an andalite! the andalite is like, please. he gives his name: alloran-semitur-corrass. he was once a war-prince. he has a wife. two children. he asks ax to tell them he loves them. ax says he will, and asks if the andalite has any other orders. he reaches up with one weakened hand and whispers:

fight them. they are stronger than you think. they have…they have infiltrated…they are on the home world…fight….

he falls unconscious, and the animorphs leave him in the meadow, nestled among the flowers.

why………..didn’t they kill him………..out of mercy……………

two days later, ax asks his friends to meet him in the woods. it’s time for him to tell them the truth behind seerow’s kindness. seerow was an andalite prince who was in charge of the first expedition to the yeerk’s home world. he felt sorry for the yeerks. they had never seen the stars. so seerow gave the yeerks andalite technology, and the yeerks began their great crusade to enslave and destroy the universe.

damn

ax expects all of his friends to be furious with him. but (and this is such a good lesson), telling the truth makes his friends understand him. they aren’t mad. an andalite made a mistake in trusting the yeerks. but ax isn’t making a mistake by trusting in these humans. they’ll work together. ax is hesitant — the andalites and the humans are so different. but tobias points out that at the heart of it all, they really aren’t. the andalites are fighting for freedom, and so are the humans.

different bodies, different species, maybe, tobias said. but who cares? we agree on what matters.

maybe the andalites on home world won’t like that idea, but tobias can think of one andalite that would have been pretty proud of ax. marco, of course, breaks the tension by asking the one question that’s been apparently burning all the animorphs alive: how does ax eat without a mouth???

he eats when he runs, of course! his hooves crush the grass and the nutrients absorb into his system!

they all get a good laugh out of this, and ax promises that he will tell them everything he knows. he looks up at tobias, wanting him to understand that he would answer all of tobias’s questions as well, including the big one that he’s sure is burning inside of tobias. but birdboy never asks.

neither i, nor my shorm tobias, is capable of smiling. but just the same, there are times when we look at each other, and understand each other, and smile.

gay :’)

REVIEW

honestly??? 4.5/5. a near perfect book. i may or may not have cried at the end when tobias insinuated that elfangor would have been proud of ax. y’all know i love a good sibling dynamic!!! but we also got a lot of history and context in this book and we got very close to killing visser three, which i’m sure is going to have to happen at some point because he is so clearly an arc one villain and if i don’t get a major showdown with the animorphs and visser one/marco’s hot mom i will LOSE IT

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

• who is the prince of your life?

• what the hell happens to gary?? will he ever come back??

• …does ax know of a way to turn tobias back into a boy?

PREDICTIONS

• keeping charlie’s prediction that we will lose an animorph before book twenty here

• i think the animorphs are gonna have to start teaming up with some yeerks here. like. the gary-ax alliance was shaky, but surely he’s not the only one miffed about visser three’s behavior?

• ax will OBVIOUSLY deliver the killing blow to visser three when we get there unless he dies and he bestows the revenge burden onto one of the animorphs. jake, maybe. or tobias…

that’s all i have for you this week, folks! if you like this blog, tell a trusted friend who you know is not a yeerk. see you all next week!!